WWF The 90's....

Back in the mid to late 1990's Wrestling was on top of the world. Stone cold was a badass, The Rock was the peoples champ. And a group of degenerates where teaching me how to tell people to suck my penis, life was good.

As with most childhood memories. I tend to see wrestling differently when i watch it now. When i see all the shit that i used to watch as a 8-10 year old kid, i am kind of appalled that i was allowed to watch this stuff at such a young age. One wrestler in particular stands out in my mind. His name was Val Venis, and he would come to the stage to the tune of his smooth porno sounding jazz intro music that would begin with his oh so clever catch phrase "Hello Ladies." And his entrance video was just a montage of sexual innuendos, with close ups of hot dogs going into buns and a plethora of odd zoom ins on his orgasmic looking face. He would come to stage in a towel, which he would tear off while doing some kind of sexy dance (apparently trying to seduce the 9 year olds and rednecks who watched this program). And to top it all off, his finishing move was called..... Wait for it.... "The Money Shot".

Yea thats right, the money shot..... I don't even have a joke prepared for that, it's pretty self explanatory.

Most of this flew over my head, but even my small childlike mind could decipher the blatantly obvious sexual overtones of his whole character. I mean come on, there is one point in his video that i remember him being in the shower with some girl , and she slowly goes down under the screen, then he makes a face that can only be explained as Jackie Chan eating a jalapeño pepper. Thats really all i can say about this guy.

One of my favorites was Stone Cold Steve Austin. I distinctly remember him always running out into the ring in his underwear and then pouring beer all over himself, he never drunk it he just poured it everywhere. I wonder if thats what he did with all of his liquids, perhaps when he has a cold he just pours robitussin all over his head and goes on with his day. (This also works for STONE colds! HAH! oh Sam you comedic genius...)

I remember a slew of other crazy events, For instance i remember one episode where a very large black man named "Sexual Chocolate" apparently impregnates an 80 year old women and then she gives birth to a hand. Yea, a fucking hand, I still remember the look on my teachers face the next day when i asked him why old women and black men have children in the form of amputated limbs, apparently he wasn't a fan of the show. There was also a large Hawaiian man who has a move that involved smashing his large diaper covered ass into peoples faces, and there was X-pac who had special move that involved repeatedly smashing his balls into the enemies face, apparently balling them into submission.

It is really hard to fit everything into this blog post, perhaps i'll revisit this subject another time, because in all honesty it seems like every wrestler they had was either completely retarded or just really inappropriate and obscene for a show which was watched by so many elementary school kids.

i'll leave you with 1 picture that i really just can't say much about, im just speechless.

these used to be 2 of my favorite wrestlers, i don't even want to know what the fuck is going on in this picture.